I was sipping a lukewarm oat milk latte last week—because even my coffee choices are trying too hard to be emotionally available—and I overheard a woman say, “He texts me every day. Total green flag.”
I blinked.
When did we start applauding fish for swimming?
It hit me—somewhere between ghosting, bare-minimum boyfriends, and emotionally unavailable situationships, we began mistaking basic decency for deep compatibility. And I get it. After years of dealing with “what are we?” and “I’m just bad at texting,” something as simple as consistency feels revolutionary. But should it?
I’ve dated the man who remembered my coffee order and still forgot my birthday. I’ve sat across from someone who looked perfect on paper—responsible, communicative, clean apartment (with actual hand towels!)—but who couldn’t meet me emotionally if I handed him a GPS and a map marked “my needs.”
And yet, I stayed. I clapped for breadcrumbs. I turned “he said he’s not ready for a relationship” into a challenge instead of a boundary. Why? Because I was starving, and even a crumb felt like a feast.
We’re so used to being emotionally malnourished that when someone does the bare minimum—texts back, plans a date, asks how our day was—we throw confetti and call it commitment.
But let’s get real: texting consistently isn’t a green flag. Wanting to spend time with you isn’t a green flag. Respecting your boundaries isn’t a green flag.
That’s the entry fee.
Green flags are emotional fluency. Vulnerability without manipulation. The ability to say “I was wrong” without a guilt trip attached. Green flags are about showing up when it’s uncomfortable, not just when it’s convenient.
So this week, I asked myself: am I dating because I’m hopeful, or am I settling because I’m exhausted?
And maybe that’s the real question we all need to ask.
Because it’s not about being too picky. It’s about not shrinking your expectations to fit someone else’s limitations.
So to anyone out there clapping for crumbs—ask yourself: are you dating the person… or just relieved they didn’t disappear?
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